Image: Lea Dubedout/Unsplash
What’s been your biggest regret so far?
Is it something you wish you did? Or wish you hadn’t done? Maybe you said something to someone in the heat of the moment and now you can’t take it back.
We’ve all experienced moments of regret. That painful emotional feeling of wishing we could undo a previous choice we’ve made.
Maybe you know that 1989 Cher song, If I could turn back time, well back in late September 2014 that’s exactly how I felt.
Back then my 92 year old grandmother, Babushka, health’s started to deteriorate very rapidly, and she was moved into a nursing home.
I remember getting the call that she was now in hospital, but I had a tonne of reasons not to rush to her side, like my son having a cold, packing for his Year 6 camp and another busy week with clients. I was looking after my own needs and thinking to myself that she’s a tough cookie and will pull through.
I also knew other family members were at her bedside so I left it until Saturday morning to go to the hospital. When I arrived the nurse looked stunned. She ushered me away from the reception desk and in a soft voice informed me that she had died peacefully in her sleep twenty minutes ago. Probably around the time I was looking for a car spot.
My biggest regret is that I didn’t spend time with her during her last days in hospital when she was still cognisant. I could have told her how much I loved her, and thanked her for all the wonderful childhood memories of her cooking and baking in our kitchen.
Since then I have been filled with sorrow for my foolish judgment call. It’s left me with intense feelings of shame, guilt and regret.
How I could have let this happen! Being so selfish and self focused, really surprised me.
But we can learn valuable lessons from the consequences of our actions.
Regret isn’t really a bad thing.
What regret can teach us is:-
The Gift of Self Awareness
Regret has reminded me that I’m human. What I mean by that is I’m a whole person and learning to accept both the positive and negative aspects of myself. We all have negative personality traits, but we don’t like to admit that we have them. For example, greed, jealousy, and stubbornness, are my inner companions. I know I want to be liked and loved, so there is shame in revealing the real me.
The Gift of Forgiveness
After awareness is forgiveness. Forgiveness comes with embracing and accepting the embarrassing parts of myself. It’s admitting to myself that I am flawed. I can be selfish and self absorbed. I made a poor judgment call, and I imagine it hurt her feelings that I didn’t show up at the hospital. Rather than let it consume me for the rest of my life, I’ve chosen self compassion and forgiveness, but not to forgot.
The Gift of Self Improvement
Regret can help you to move forward in life. As my intense feelings subsided, I was able to critically reflect on the experience. I could hear myself saying, I’ll never let that happen again. Regret forces us to take responsibility for our actions, and helps us grow as individuals.
What can be some of the biggest regrets as we near the end of our lives?
According to Bronnie Ware, an Australian Palliative Care Nurse, when her patients where questioned on any regrets or anything they would have done differently, five common themes emerged.
Here are her findings:-
- I wish I had the courage to live a life that was true to myself, and not the life that other’s expected of me.
- I wish I hadn’t worked so hard and missed my children’s youth.
- I wish I had the courage to express my feelings.
- I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
- I wish I let myself be happier.
When we are young we can regret mistakes or actioned that we’ve taken without thought, but as we age, we are more likely to regret actions that are not taken; not taken in the name of love, for the family or for career progression.
What do you truly value?
What could you do today that’s worth taking a risk?
Now I’ll leave you with this heart felt message.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R45HcYA8uRA
Regret is a wake up call for all of us.
Fiona Craig is a work-life balance coach, psychotherapist and published author of “Stuck in a Rut – How to rescue yourself & live your truth” helping men and women get unstuck from their career rut and onto finding their dream career.
You can learn more time management strategies and helpful tips through Fiona’s transformational life coaching packages. Contact Fiona on 0405 433 217 or visit her website www.lifebalancecoach.com.au and book in for one of my free 20 minute discovery calls.
